Doing Things, Episode 1 - Getting Sick

Doing Things, Episode 1 - Getting Sick

Queerspawn

Doing Things is a podcast series by Sadie Epstein-Fine. The series tells stories through recalling everyday moments of being a queer/genderqueer person with two moms. Sadie Epstein-Fine (they/them) is a second-generation queer, Jewish, artist, and activist. They work mostly as a theatre director, playwright, and creator, passionate about musical theatre and making work for young audiences. They co-edited, with Makeda Zook, Spawning Generations: Rants and Reflections on Growing Up with LGBTQ+ Parents, published in 2018 by Demeter Press. Sadie has been a queer family and queerspawn advocate/activist for almost 20 years.

Sadie Epstein-Fine

Queerspawn, F0196-01-005-002, The ArQuives

[2019-2021]

1 MPEG-4 audio file [00:07:39], Hard Drive

English

Episode 1 of Doing Things With Two Lesbian Feminist Separated Moms and Their Grown Up Queer Daughter. This is Getting Sick.

So, in October 2019, I came down with a mysterious illness. My stomach just hurt all the time. I couldn’t get up off the couch. I had to kind of quit everything in my life and just yeah… Lie on the couch all day and be in pain. Eventually I got a fever and you know, I started bleeding. And my moms took me to the Emerg'. And, you know, there is nothing more bad ass than walking down the hallway flanked by your two moms. And of course the doctor who we got was this very attractive, very obviously Jewish doctor. His name was Dr. Aaron. Dr. Aaron, if you are listening to this, know that we loved you. Um…. And the moment that he left us the first time, my mom turns to me and tries to whisper, but you know, kind of yells “Oh my God, Sadie! He could be your donor!”

And she wasn’t joking. I don’t think. I think… There have been a couple times in my life where people have realized… One of my exes in particular, who is the only Jew I’ve ever dated kind of had this realization one time when we were hanging out: "Oh my God, you were raised by two Jewish mothers." And, what is the true about Jewish mothers, is that they all want their children to bear the children of good Jewish doctors. So, Dr. Aaron, know that you are a viable sperm donor. I don’t think that we are going to go with you, but you know. I don’t know. Better luck next time.

So, after we left, you know, Emerg'… And I was preparing for my colonoscopy, you know…. Diagnosis to come soon, you know? Don’t hold your breathe. You know, it hurt too much laugh. So we had to watch a lot of really serious documentaries. But we also binged Downton Abbey. And we all just started…. No, no, that’s not how we started talking. That’s too low class, that we started talking like this. We had to be proper, proper lords and ladies. And so I spent my entire in between my first Emerg’ visit to my colonoscopy to my next Emerg visit, you know three days later, talking with my Jewish lesbian mothers as if we were part of Downton Abbey. Throughout this whole process of course, we had many doctor’s appointments. I saw we. I should say I had many doctors appointments, but um… I started saying “we” have a doctor’s appointment because both my moms have accompanied me to every single appointment. And had their own opinions about my health and what I should do, and what the right choices were, and we aired all of that out in every doctor’s appointment. Along with their worry and their belief that none of the doctor’s were treating me as well as they should be. And so finally, when I kind of had this big meeting with my GI, I put my foot down and said, “only one of you can accompany me, so duke it out. I don’t care which one of you does. Just one of you, only one of you will show up with me.” And, on the day of the appointment of course, my other mom drove us both there, because she didn’t want to miss out on the fun. And she just waited in the waiting room the whole time. But yeah, during the sickness, they just really put their lives on hold. And were there for me in a way that I think for a lot of my life I have taken for granted.

You know, but after that, and being so cared for… Yeah, I don’t know that I can again after that. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. After my second colonoscopy. And then, you know, we went on the hunt for solutions. You know, to take meds, to not take meds. One of my moms has a contact who’s son has Crohn’s disease and he went to a homeopath. So, we went to a homeopath. The homeopath just loved us. Every single time I’ve gone back he’s asks, “So, how are the moms?” After eventually getting that they were both my moms. This has actually been a bit of a trend in health care settings. It takes them a while to get it. You know? I just did a reiki session the other day and in the middle of my reiki appointment, she asks when my mom and dad separated. And I had to say, “Well… Yes, they did separate. But, I don’t have a dad. I have two moms.” And she was kind of like, “Oh, which one, which mom was the one that I met?” Because of course, one of my moms drove me to my reiki session. I’m 29. And you know, I still need my moms to drive me everywhere—mostly because I am taking drugs that make me a little loopy. So, driving a car would not be in my best interest. Or really, in anyone on the road’s best interest. And I go, “What do you mean, which mom was that? It’s just one of my moms.” Anyways, finally after she was like, “Where did you, uh… Like, who did you grow up with when you grew up?” I said, “I lived with both my moms together until I was ten, when they separated and then I lived with them equally in their separate homes.” And she goes, “Oh! Your moms are lesbians!” in the middle of my reiki session. And I was like, “Yes, yes, yes, my moms, my moms are lesbians.” And so, so yeah… That was Being Sick With Two Lesbian Moms.

7 minutes, 39 seconds