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                <text>1992-173 [c.1]</text>
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Eurasian-Canadian Rupert Raj has been a trans activist in Canada, the USA and abroad since 1971---the same year he began his 41-year gender transition in Ottawa. First a newsletter editor, peer-counsellor, researcher and educator (1978-2001), then a psychotherapist, gender consultant and professional trainer (2001-2015), and finally an author/editor (1997-present), Rupert has been engaging with queer, trans, non-binary, intersex, two-spirit adults and teens, and their loved ones for more than 50 years. The two trans service organizations he co-founded were Foundation for the Advancement of Canadian Transsexuals (FACT) (1978-1982) and Metamorphosis Medical Research Foundation (MMRF) (1983-1988), and the three counselling/consulting services were: Metamorphosis Counselling &amp; Educational Services (1982-1983), Gender Worker/Gender Consultants (1988-1990) and RR Consulting (2001-2015). Rupert's three published books include: Trans Activism in Canada: A Reader (with Dan Irving) (2014), Of Souls &amp; Roles, Of Sex &amp; Gender: A Treasury of Transsexual, Transgenderist and Transvestic Verse from 1967 to 1991 (2017, 2018) and Dancing the Dialectic: True Tales of a Transgender Trailblazer (second edition) (2020). The Rupert Raj Collection in the Digital Transgender Archive (DTA) includes newsletters, magazines, books, newspaper clippings (scrapbooks), correspondence, photographs and other materials. </text>
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              <text>Episode 1 of Doing Things With Two Lesbian Feminist Separated Moms and Their Grown Up Queer Daughter. This is Getting Sick. &#13;
&#13;
So, in October 2019, I came down with a mysterious illness. My stomach just hurt all the time. I couldn’t get up off the couch. I had to kind of quit everything in my life and just yeah… Lie on the couch all day and be in pain. Eventually I got a fever and you know, I started bleeding. And my moms took me to the Emerg'. And, you know, there is nothing more bad ass than walking down the hallway flanked by your two moms. And of course the doctor who we got was this very attractive, very obviously Jewish doctor. His name was Dr. Aaron. Dr. Aaron, if you are listening to this, know that we loved you. Um…. And the moment that he left us the first time, my mom turns to me and tries to whisper, but you know, kind of yells “Oh my God, Sadie! He could be your donor!” &#13;
&#13;
And she wasn’t joking. I don’t think. I think… There have been a couple times in my life where people have realized… One of my exes in particular, who is the only Jew I’ve ever dated kind of had this realization one time when we were hanging out: "Oh my God, you were raised by two Jewish mothers." And, what is the true about Jewish mothers, is that they all want their children to bear the children of good Jewish doctors. So, Dr. Aaron, know that you are a viable sperm donor. I don’t think that we are going to go with you, but you know. I don’t know. Better luck next time. &#13;
&#13;
So, after we left, you know, Emerg'… And I was preparing for my colonoscopy, you know…. Diagnosis to come soon, you know? Don’t hold your breathe. You know, it hurt too much laugh. So we had to watch a lot of really serious documentaries. But we also binged Downton Abbey. And we all just started…. No, no, that’s not how we started talking. That’s too low class, that we started talking like this. We had to be proper, proper lords and ladies. And so I spent my entire in between my first Emerg’ visit to my colonoscopy to my next Emerg visit, you know three days later, talking with my Jewish lesbian mothers as if we were part of Downton Abbey. Throughout this whole process of course, we had many doctor’s appointments. I saw we. I should say I had many doctors appointments, but um… I started saying “we” have a doctor’s appointment because both my moms have accompanied me to every single appointment. And had their own opinions about my health and what I should do, and what the right choices were, and we aired all of that out in every doctor’s appointment. Along with their worry and their belief that none of the doctor’s were treating me as well as they should be. And so finally, when I kind of had this big meeting with my GI, I put my foot down and said, “only one of you can accompany me, so duke it out. I don’t care which one of you does. Just one of you, only one of you will show up with me.” And, on the day of the appointment of course, my other mom drove us both there, because she didn’t want to miss out on the fun. And she just waited in the waiting room the whole time. But yeah, during the sickness, they just really put their lives on hold. And were there for me in a way that I think for a lot of my life I have taken for granted. &#13;
&#13;
You know, but after that, and being so cared for… Yeah, I don’t know that I can again after that. Eventually, I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease. After my second colonoscopy. And then, you know, we went on the hunt for solutions. You know, to take meds, to not take meds. One of my moms has a contact who’s son has Crohn’s disease and he went to a homeopath. So, we went to a homeopath. The homeopath just loved us. Every single time I’ve gone back he’s asks, “So, how are the moms?” After eventually getting that they were both my moms. This has actually been a bit of a trend in health care settings. It takes them a while to get it. You know? I just did a reiki session the other day and in the middle of my reiki appointment, she asks when my mom and dad separated. And I had to say, “Well… Yes, they did separate. But, I don’t have a dad. I have two moms.” And she was kind of like, “Oh, which one, which mom was the one that I met?” Because of course, one of my moms drove me to my reiki session. I’m 29. And you know, I still need my moms to drive me everywhere—mostly because I am taking drugs that make me a little loopy. So, driving a car would not be in my best interest. Or really, in anyone on the road’s best interest. And I go, “What do you mean, which mom was that? It’s just one of my moms.” Anyways, finally after she was like, “Where did you, uh… Like, who did you grow up with when you grew up?” I said, “I lived with both my moms together until I was ten, when they separated and then I lived with them equally in their separate homes.” And she goes, “Oh! Your moms are lesbians!” in the middle of my reiki session. And I was like, “Yes, yes, yes, my moms, my moms are lesbians.” And so, so yeah… That was Being Sick With Two Lesbian Moms.&#13;
&#13;
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                <text>&lt;a href="https://digitalexhibitions.arquives.ca/exhibits/show/queerspawn-digital-storytellin/sadie-epstein-fine"&gt;Queerspawn Digital Storytelling Project, Sadie Epstein-Fine&lt;/a&gt;</text>
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              <text>Episode 2 of Doing Things With Two Lesbian Feminist Separated Moms and Their Grown Up Queer Daughter. This is Doing Laundry in Stratford, Ontario. &#13;
&#13;
So, in February 2020, just before the pandemic hit us, I went to work at the Stratford Festival. And the apartment I was staying at didn’t have laundry. So, when my moms came up on the weekend before I was going to start work... They came… Well, they didn’t just come to help me do my laundry. They came to visit. But they also helped me do my laundry. &#13;
&#13;
So, when we arrived at the laundry mat, they went to get the quarters for the laundry. Of course, you know, even though I’m a grown up, they… Laundry is on them. And as I separated all the clothes that I needed to separate, they then showed me how to use laundry machine where the soap dispenser wasn’t separate from... Or there wasn’t a separate soap dispenser, which, you know... It’s been a long time since I’ve done laundry at a laundromat. I’m very lucky that my apartment has laundry. &#13;
&#13;
Anyways… You know... And then as we are waiting, we drive to Bulk Barn, which, you know, in a small town… As someone who comes from Toronto, I would never imagine… I would just have to walk outside and go to the nearest store. But of course, the nearest store when you’re not in downtown Stratford is like… It would take a while to walk there. &#13;
&#13;
And so we drive to Stratford. And like, we don’t even pull out of the parking lot of the laundromat before my moms start critiquing my driving. And they, you know, both have different opinions. And I start to yell at them. And then, you know, as I’m yelling at them, I almost get hit by a car coming that I don’t see. &#13;
&#13;
When we arrive at Bulk Barn, we go our separate ways and angerly shop for black licorice and seeds and nuts, and don’t speak to each other until we leave the Bulk Barn. But then, we kind of, you know, get over it more or less. We just needed a moment of separation. &#13;
&#13;
So we get back to the laundromat and they show me how to use the coin operated dryer. And I’m... You know, this whole time I’m thinking, “Oh my God. I’m an adult. You know? I should be able to do my own laundry. Am I really here to work at the Stratford Festival and my moms still have to help me do basic life tasks?” So yeah, I feel a great deal of shame and embarrassment. &#13;
&#13;
And then this woman in the laundromat looks over at us and smiles. And you know, the rolodex of what she’s thinking starts coming into my brain. You know? Has she ever seen a person with two moms? Of course she’s seen a person with two moms. There are gay people in Stratford. There are definitely gay people with children in Stratford, Ontario. And then I’m like, you know, maybe she’s never seen an adult with two moms. You know? I was kind of part of the first big wave of queer spawn, queerlings, whatever term you know, you want to use of queer people having babies. So, you know, I’m like, maybe she thinks one of my moms is... You know? One of them is my mom and the other one is my aunt, or a friend, or something. Or, you know, then I’m like, maybe she’s smiling at us and just thinking, "oh wow how pathetic, that this, you know, that this child does not know how to do laundry." And her mom should have taught her earlier in her life." &#13;
&#13;
It’s also funny, yeah, that when I see myself from other people’s perspective, I um… My pronouns are they and them, but I always refer to myself as "she and her" because I guess I assume that is how everybody reads me. You know? And then I’m thinking, “Oh God, she’s probably thinking like, ‘Yo, you know, holy smokes, just let her be! She’s an adult for Christ’s sake! You know?” &#13;
&#13;
Obviously I have no idea what she was thinking. But then, as we are packing up, you know, folding the laundry, putting it in the bin, and leaving... As we are walking out the door, one of my moms, who obviously... Classic, my mom had made friends with this woman at some point in our laundry doing, she turns back and she says "bye" to this woman. And the woman very sweetly says, “bye ladies!” And then my mom turns to me and goes “sigh, I’m not a lady.” &#13;
&#13;
That was episode 2 of Doing Things With Two Lesbian Moms. </text>
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              <text>This is episode 3 of Doing Things With Two Lesbian Feminist Separated Moms and Their Queer Daughter. This is Choosing a Sperm Donor. &#13;
&#13;
So, there are few moments in my life where I think I truly appreciated, you know, what my parents, I don’t know, had to go through. Or, I don’t know. I definitely appreciate them. But, it has been in this time, where my partner and I are choosing a sperm donor, that I feel like I’ve really seen their experience and connected with it. &#13;
&#13;
So, I’ve always known that I’ve wanted to have kids. And, you know, from the time I was a teenager, I’ve been really certain about that. I also convinced myself that I was straight. And, a very weird thing is that a big part of my fantasy of being straight involved children, and involved my fantasy of having children, and like, just being able to, you know, have sex, and get pregnant. And, sometimes I think… I convinced myself that I was straight solely for the purpose of easy childbearing. ‘Cuz you know, suddenly you take away sperm, and you have all these questions, right? Like, do you go with an anonymous donor? Do you do known? What sperm donor are you looking for? Do you ask them all of their health history? Or, what cultural aspects of their identity matter to you? Or, yeah, or matter to who your child is? You know, do you choose your best friend? Do you choose an acquaintance? You know? These are all the questions that I have now been reckoning with. Or that my partner and I have been having to ask as we family plan. And, of course, you know, like most decisions in my life, this involves my moms. &#13;
&#13;
You know, from the fact that, one of my moms, Rachel, is you know, her life’s work has been helping queer people have babies. And, it’s kind of this weird thing that you know, when I think about it, it feels like I’m so lucky. You know? Because, you know, people professionally seek my mom’s help when they’re trying to have… You know, queer people seek my mom’s help when they’re trying to have children. And I just kind of get her as this everyday free resource. &#13;
&#13;
And, so we have a meeting—my partner and my mom. Where we talk about, you know, donor agreements, and all the things to consider about donation. And really thinking about all the rights we now have actually in Ontario that really prevent the donor from being a threat to our parenting team, of me and my partner. And, you know…. When I was 13, we were a part of the Charter challenge that first allowed two women to put their names on a birth certificate. And now of course, the legislation is far beyond that. Multiple parents can put their names on a birth certificate, and the donor is not considered a father. It’s pretty, I don’t know, huge or something, to see yourself in history. And now to recognize that that history is now helping me become a parent, and become a legal parent because I won’t be carrying our child. And of course, you know, then there’s my other mom, Lois, who is my non-biological mom. And of course, you know, she’s been a huge help to me because I am going to be a non-biological parent. And the really cool thing is that when I become a non-biological parent, I have someone to talk to about it because, while I don’t believe that blood is family, you know? Of course. And that it’s the people who raise you and love you who are your family, inevitably there are going to be challenges that come up. Just because of, you know, big dominant hetero-patriarchal narratives that we’re taught. And I get to turn to mom when those things come up. And I feel… I don’t know. That’s really, really special. &#13;
&#13;
And so, you know, also in this process… Like, so I was conceived through anonymous, an anonymous donor. And this was in the days before ID Release, so I’ll never be able to know who my donor was. But, I just kind of always thought that that’s the direction my mom’s wanted to go in. And you know, because obviously at the time, their rights were so much more limited than they are now. And they had… Yeah, very, very few legal… Like, the law was just not on their side. So, I just always thought they wanted to go the anonymous route. And, I knew that they had asked, maybe one known person to be my donor and it didn’t work out. But actually what I discovered, just, you know, now that we talk a whole lot about sperm donation, is that is the route that they wanted to go. They wanted to go the known donor route, and they asked many people, and they were turned down by everyone. And so finally, eventually, you know, and my mom wasn’t getting any younger, they made the decision to go through a sperm bank. I don’t know why for me this has been big news. But it’s actually really changed the way that I’ve seen my conception process. I just didn’t realize how long it was for my parents. And how long as queer people we have to plan and make these awkward asks for people’s sperms. And you know, that’s the sole reason my partner and I don’t already have kids, is because, you know, this suddenly forces you to ask all these questions, and make all these decisions that like, you know, when you have sperm and a uterus in a relationship, all you have to do is… You know, and this is something that my parent’s always say. I don’t know, I’ve just kind of held this with me my entire life, you know? All you have to do is, go out, have a nice meal, have a glass of wine, come home, have sex, and get pregnant. And obviously I know that for all people, people in that situation, that it’s not always that easy and people still experience fertility issues. But there’s something about prioritizing love and pleasure in baby conception that is just so beyond my wildest imaginations. And again, it’s like, why I thought it was a good idea to be straight when I was younger—because I would get to do that. And you know, there’s a part of me that just would really love to just be able to knock my partner up. You know? One night, one random night. And that is not something obviously that I’m going to be able to do. But, I have my mom’s… I have my mom’s in good company. So, yeah. That was episode 3 of Doing Things With Two Moms.</text>
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